lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
