Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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