What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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