I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have post one night stand depression
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
