hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
