So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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