Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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