there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
