I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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