There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
