the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
