For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
