just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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