just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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