he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
