sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
