The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My friends, they love my intelligence
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
