So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
