You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
