Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
