I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
