i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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