New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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