If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
