I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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