paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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