Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
