Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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