i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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