Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
