I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
