believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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