I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How's work?
Spinning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Are we still banned from the library?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
