Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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