I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
