pop tarts are not kleenex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize