There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
MIDGETS
????
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
