I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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