I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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