If i come over, it means nothing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
