Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
