I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
