My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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