Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
