woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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