There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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