i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
