just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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