the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
