I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize