I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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