everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
