I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
