i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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