I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
