I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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