I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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