im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
