I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
