so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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