this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
