Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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