mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
