Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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