Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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