Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my shit smells like andre
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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