I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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