My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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