I think I died a long time ago.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
