I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
