so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The feeling are messing with the penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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