Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
