Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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