If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
