Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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