You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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