Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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