thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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