You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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