somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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