dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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